Brian Jeffrey
Forgiveness can be very important in moving relationships forward, but it can be an issue because sometimes it’s not a clear thing. You can say that you have forgiven someone and you can think that you have forgiven them, but sometimes the truth is actually a bit different. Sometimes, it takes a while to realize your true feelings.
It’s actually a common thing because forgiveness isn’t cut and dry like say brushing your teeth or finishing an essay. In both of those cases, it’s clear whether you’ve done the thing or not. There’s no gray area, but forgiveness is a bit more ambiguous. That’s why it’s often our actions and honest feelings that reveal whether we’ve truly forgiven someone or not.
Truly forgiving someone is a personal decision. What you think someone deserves forgiveness for can be different from what someone else thinks. And the answer might change depending on the situation and/or person. The key to the final decision is that you have to genuinely want to forgive someone in your heart. On that note, here are six signs that you haven’t actually forgiven bae for what went on.
You Hold A Grudge
This is going to require some honesty on your part. When you think about bae, is there any lingering resentment there? Do you find yourself basing your decisions about the future with bae based on the incident? Do you sometimes even think about getting back with bae, or at least hoping that your SO will get what he/she deserves? If so, it sounds like you’ve got a grudge on your hands. You should think honestly whether you truly want to forgive bae or whether it’s best to let him/her go.
You Bring Up What Bae Did In The Past
Is the incident you *forgave* bae for a thing of the past, or do you find that it’s brought up frequently? And when it’s brought up, is it mostly by you? That’s a red flag that you haven’t actually forgiven bae. You need to ask yourself why you keep bringing up the incident. Are you still mad it happened? Do you wish that you could go back in the past and change it? Do you want bae’s actions to change or him/her to grovel again? Identifying what the issue is could help you forgiving or moving on completely.
You Have A Hard Time Trusting Your SO
It’s understandable that you’re going to have a hard time trusting someone after an incident, but you need to think about the level of trust you have. Are you almost paranoid with bae now? Do you freak out when you haven’t heard from bae and assume the worst? Do you constantly check in with your SO and want to know every one of his/her plans? Is your trust level the same now as it was right after the incident, even if it happened months, if not a year ago? If you’re nodding, you’re clearly holding onto something that’s preventing you from fully forgiving.
You Try To Undermine Bae
Try to be aware of this because you might not realize you’re doing it. It could almost be a subconscious thing. If you feel the need to change, spoil, ruin, or challenge something that bae has done, it could be part of a forgiveness problem. It could stem from the idea that you need to keep proving that bae was/is in the wrong and that you’re the right one.
You Keep Thinking About The Incident
It’s obviously bad if you keep bringing the incident up in conversation, but if it’s still on your mind, it shows you’ve not fully forgiven bae. Think about how long it has been since the problem happened and how often you’ve thought about it. If it’s too many times to count, think about whether you’re thinking about it more, less, or the same as before. More is a definite red flag, the same shows there is still some trouble, but less shows that you’re hopefully making progress.
You Feel You Cannot Be Truly Honest With Bae
Do you find that you’re holding back more stuff from bae because of the incident? As time goes on, do you still find it hard to trust bae? Do you wish that things could go back to the way they were, but you doubt that you could ever trust bae the same way again? That shows you’ve not forgiven your SO. If you don’t think you could ever trust him/her the same way, you need to seriously consider this relationship.
