Brian Jeffrey
If you ask anybody in my household or any of my good buddies to describe me in one word, I’m pretty assured the commonest response could be “honest.” It’s widespread data that I do not mince phrases. I’m not the particular person you come to if you need to be pandered to or let down gently. Frankly, I simply do not see the purpose. I don’t benefit from the thought of being disingenuous, particularly to individuals I care about, however actually, to anybody in any respect. The approach I see it, I’m not doing anybody any favors by mendacity. The extra effort and time I spend pondering of methods to lie to you about your downside is much less time we may very well be spending fascinated about options. Let’s get it over with, rip off the Band-Aid, and get to work.
I’m proudly sincere, however please do not mistake my honesty for cruelty. I do not search out methods to be nasty and I undoubtedly do not savor the sensation or act of telling somebody I care about one thing tough. But to me, it is value it if it would save that particular person ache sooner or later or will carry a few extra speedy finish to a present painful scenario. I additionally do not let my honesty fly willy-nilly and volunteer opinions with out that opinion being particularly requested. Again, I don’t get pleasure from hurting anybody.
I draw the road at giving unfavorable opinions about one thing that may’t be modified. If you come to me and ask my sincere opinion about the name you have given your child and it’s the title that’s already printed on the beginning certificates, there isn’t any attainable approach I can do something however like it. That’s for you and little what’s-his-name to cope with when he grows up and realizes what you probably did to him. My telling you that now would solely serve to damage you and break our friendship, and that’s by no means my intention. I’m not above white lies, however solely in conditions when my telling you the reality could be worse than mendacity.
The approach I see it, I’m not doing anybody any favors by mendacity.
In my expertise, individuals do not ask for sincere opinions until they know the reality already. If you’ve gotten a rubbish boyfriend, you probably know he’s garbage. So when you ask me what I feel, I do not know why I’d let you know he is something however rubbish. You are my buddy; I care about you; I need you to be with somebody who is just not rubbish. I’d be doing you a disservice in any other case, and if that makes me a b*tch, then I assume I’m a b*tch. I’d slightly be thought-about a “b*tch” than a liar or a horrible buddy.
Recently, my brutal honesty was blamed as the rationale for a longtime friendship ending. I cannot go into nice element, however a buddy had been appearing in a self-destructive method for fairly some time and grew annoyed at my incapacity to imagine her insistence that she was “fine.” It obtained to a degree the place the friendship had change into so poisonous that staying involved was solely punishment for us each. I used to be referred to as merciless and uncaring and purposely nasty, however after I return over what was mentioned and achieved, I remorse nothing. I wasn’t saying something she did not already know, and I refuse to sit again and allow somebody I care about to destroy themselves, not whereas I’ve the power to presumably change the result.
I’ll by no means be the buddy who sits with you on the sofa, nodding and making sympathetic noises whilst you cry over your newest SO and explaining that it isn’t that they do not need to be with you, “they’re just, like, super busy with work.” I’ll sit you down and checklist all of the methods they’re horrible. I’ll clarify precisely how apparent it’s that they don’t seem to be into you, and why that sh*t is just not to be tolerated. I’ll let you know why you deserve higher and, if you end up prepared, I’ll enable you to transfer on. Because I really like you. Honestly.
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