Brian Jeffrey
When reflecting on her own features, Lien humorously describes herself as having “thick lips, a wide mouth, and standing at only 1.5 meters tall.” She believes that the enduring strength of her marriage with Anton lies not in her appearance, which she modestly downplays, but in the unique Vietnamese qualities that her husband values and holds dear.
Coming from a conventional background, Tran Thi Kim Lien (born in 1955) was brought up to embody the traditional virtues expected of Vietnamese women.
Despite not considering herself conventionally beautiful, she carried an innate charm. In her younger years, she had suitors and experienced love. However, due to illness, she was unable to conceive. As she entered her forties still single, she navigated the societal stigma attached to being a childless woman in 1970s Vietnam without allowing it to define her or wallow in self-pity.
Determined to forge her own path to family life, she ventured from Hanoi to Germany, where she worked in a Chinese restaurant and as a babysitter for various families. Knowing she desired marriage, her friends introduced her to several German men, among whom Anton Ernst stood out for his calm demeanor and ever-present smile. “Despite his fair complexion and blue eyes, he never made me feel like I was conversing with a foreigner,” she shared.
During their next meeting, Anton showed her a video featuring familiar scenes from Vietnam, a gesture that touched her deeply.
When Anton decided to present her to his family, his father initially opposed their relationship, suggesting they cohabit before making any decisions about marriage.
On the first morning of living with Anton, she woke up early to prepare his lunch for work, a task he had always handled himself. This small gesture spoke volumes about her genuine affection. When at his father’s home, she offered to cook as a polite gesture, ensuring to make an additional portion for his nearby sister. These actions left a positive impression on Anton’s father, who viewed her as a meticulous and caring woman. Eventually, he encouraged Anton to wed her swiftly, fearing she might depart.
At 46, Lien entered into marriage for the first time, with Anton, at 48, becoming her husband. Neighbors observed the positive changes Lien brought to the household, from the scent of homemade meals to the cozy ambiance of a lived-in home.
Longing for domestic bliss, Lien held onto the traditional values passed down by her mother to manage her new household. She preferred hosting gatherings at home over restaurants, showcasing her home-grown produce and Vietnamese culinary creations. She managed even large events with up to 120 guests single-handedly.
Lien converted her yard into a vibrant space, cultivating Vietnamese herbs and flowers despite lacking agricultural experience. Friends and neighbors admired her knack for nurturing such a garden, thriving with plants like cilantro, basil, Vietnamese perilla, and flowers synonymous with Vietnamese New Year.
Although generous with acquaintances, she maintained frugal habits at home, akin to thrifty German practices.
Sharing that Anton chose to revisit Vietnam after their initial trip, every 15 months they journeyed there together, exploring and relishing the country. Anton’s deep affection for Vietnam blossomed over time.
During their maiden trip to Vietnam, Anton humorously queried the reason behind the numerous people greeting them at the airport. On one memorable outing, he mistook a street vendor’s roast dog display for toys, leading to a comical exchange cherished by Lien.
Wholeheartedly embracing Vietnamese culture, Anton engaged in activities like sidewalk haircuts and appreciated the hospitality extended by Lien’s family. His love for Vietnam radiated through his actions and stories recounted to friends back in Germany.
As their marriage matured, expressions of romance between the couple transformed into daily acts of care and companionship. Lien credits the success of their union to mutual regard, comprehension, and maintaining individual spaces within their relationship.
Despite facing societal norms and personal hurdles, their love saga endures, merging two cultures into a harmonious blend of tenderness and esteem.
