Anna Daniels
It’s officially Christmas season, and if you didn’t get enough shopping done on Black Friday last weekend, you’ll have plenty of time in the weeks ahead to partake in the time-honored tradition of capitalism, all in the name of religion. But before you head out to do shopping in person like someone who has a death wish, maybe you need a reminder of how terrible it is to shop in the real world with a little help from Jingle All the Way and Honest Trailers.
Jingle All the Way Honest Trailer
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCqpogcljQs?feature=oembed&w=740&h=416]
The thing that bugs me every time I watch this movie (which happens every Christmas by choice) comes in the climactic action sequence during the Holiday Wintertainment Parade, which is capitalism within capitalism since it’s just a big commercial for Turbo Man. During the scene, Myron (Sinbad) shoots The Dementor’s fists at Turbo Man (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and hits him square in the face. But what the hell happens to Myron’s hand during that moment? It’s not hidden under the suit and there’s no mechanism that brings the fist back. It’s just something that happens that defies physics and anatomy. But if we’re being honest, that’s the least of the movie’s problems.
Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely like this movie for how dedicated it is to being bad. But that’s only because it’s absolutely so ludicrous that I can’t help but laugh at it. Not only are there some all time great Schwarzenegger lines like “Who said you could eat my cookie?” and his awkward attempt at saying “turbo” over and over again, but this movie has the late Phil Hartman doing his absolute best, and you can’t ask for much more than that. Okay, maybe we could ask for less Jake Lloyd, but that kid had a hard enough life thanks to Star Wars fans, so we’ll let it go. Speaking of which, we can’t wait for the sequel about everyone trying to get their hands on Baby Yoda, even though online shopping fervor isn’t quite so cinematic.
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