Anna Daniels
As we implied, it’s tough to find Seagal’s episode anywhere today; fortunately, we have the riveting account of ManlyMovie.net to give us an idea of just how awful it was. In the cold open, Seagal dropped in on Hans and Franz, the thickly-accented bodybuilders portrayed by Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon. In what seemed to be a bizarre misunderstanding of the concept of parody, Seagal berated the pair for taking after Arnold Schwarzenegger (a man who, notably, has a great sense of humor), asserting that his movies were way better and cracking “jokes” calling Arnie’s sexuality into question. Then, he clumsily kicked the two caricatures’ asses. End of sketch.
Seagal’s monologue consisted of a humorless observational lecture about how modern men are all a bunch of sissies, followed by his acoustic guitar-based rendition of “Kung Fu Fighting,” accompanied by several bemused cast members (including Chris Rock) on backing vocals. Then, more hilarious sketches: remember Rob Schneider’s “makin’ copies” guy? Seagal told him to shut up, then put his head through the photocopier. Hey, remember Andrew Dice Clay? No? Well, Seagal certainly did; he appeared on a mock talk show dressed like Dice to “lampoon” the guy’s failed film career.
The overarching joke throughout all the sketches seemed to be a simple one: Steven Seagal is awesome, and everything else is stupid. The game cast tried to make the best of it all, perhaps hoping that Seagal’s skits would serve as a humorous meta-commentary on the man himself; it didn’t work. The whole episode was just one long, strained, painfully unfunny illustration of Seagal’s complete lack of self-awareness, unfailing tendency to massage his own ego, and total failure to grasp even the most basic tenets of televised sketch comedy.
Written by: Looper
