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Saturday Night Live‘s Cold Open predictably focused on the upcoming midterm elections and the clown car of Republican Party candidates on the ballot. Heidi Gardner, playing PBS NewsHour’s Judy Woodruff, took calls from the “political outsiders,” which obviously included: Cecily Strong’s Kari Lake, Kenan Thompson’s Herschel Walker, and Mikey Day’s Dr. Oz (whose best line came early: “The Phillies are in the World Series and I just had a delicious Philadelphia cheese and steak.”)
“OK, well, all three of you have been gaining in the polls the past few weeks despite none of you having any political experience,” Gardner/Woodruff said. “Mr. Walker, you’re now within three points of Senator Raphael Warnock. Why is your support growing?”
“And that’s where I don’t know,” Thompson/Walker said, clearly stifling laughter. “The whole world is a mystery. Ain’t it? For example, a Thermos — it keeps the hot things hot, but also the cold things cold. My question is, how do it decide? We’re looking into that very much.”
Gardner continued, “A second woman has now claimed you paid for an abortion, and your ex-wife has once said you once held a gun to her head. Why are millions of Georgia residents still voting for you?”
“Gas,” said Thompson. And when asked to elaborate, he gave this amazingly spot-on line: “If you want to get on the Jumbotron at the game, you don’t throw on a cardigan and start making sense. You take your shirt off and you shake your belly around. That’s why I’m doing.”
Gardner/Woodruff then turned to Kari Lake, played by Strong, and asked why she believed she was able to pull ahead of her opponent Katie Hobbs in the Arizona gubernatorial race.
“Because I’m normal, Judy,” Strong said. “I’m just a hometown gal, constantly in soft focus and lit like a 90s Cinemax softcore. Frankly, I’ve just clicked with many of the wonderful terrified elderly people here in Arizona, the Florida of the west. So I’m a fighter. In my life, I’ve sent back over 2,000 salads, and I’m not afraid to do the same thing with democracy.”
Later in the questioning, Gardner/Woodruff asked about her stance as an election denier, and Strong snapped back, “Can you media types just get over the one thing I have made the center of my campaign for months and months?” Strong/Lake said irritably. “Arizonans want to talk about the issues that affect them — like crime in New York, or crime in Detroit, and the most pressing issue, drag queen storytime — men dressing as loud sassy women introducing children to the joys of reading. Not on my watch.”
“If you become governor,” Gardner said, “Do you promise to make sure everyone’s vote counts?”
“Judy, if the people of Arizona elect me,” Strong/Lake said. “I will make sure they will never have to vote ever again.”
