The Official January Rolling Stone Debate Drinking Game Rules

Weeks of candidate debate prep likely flew out the window Monday, when CNN dropped a bombshell story: Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren claimed Vermont’s Bernie Sanders told her a woman couldn’t win in 2020.

By an amazing coincidence, CNN is hosting the last candidate debate before the Iowa caucus in Des Moines tonight. The explosive Monday report is perfect WWE-style marketing for the last important campaign broadcast prior to the first votes.

Reporters expect a “spirited” exchange between Bernie and Liz tonight (a “doozy” as Politico terms it). Accordingly, we’ve adjusted debate drinking game rules to fit the atmosphere of real (and forced) combat expected to permeate the proceedings.

As always, do not politics and drive. The rules tonight demand one drink EVERY TIME:

1. A CNN moderator eggs on either Warren or Sanders to hostilities. Double if said moderator (cough cough Wolf Blitzer) references the CNN story triggering the Warren-Sanders imbroglio.
2. Warren displays outrage that we’re not paying attention to the “real issues” And mentions her friendship with Sanders.
3. Biden dissembles about his Iraq War record. Double if it’s an entirely new version of events.
4. A candidate blasts Trump on Iran, then basically says he/she would do the same thing but with better planning.
5. A candidate begins a segment with “Look,” “Let me be clear,” “Here’s the deal,” or “At the end of the day.”
6. Sanders grumbles that he wrote the damn bill.
7. A candidate who has been slinging mud all year pleads for unity and notes that “we can all agree” any one of the people on stage would be better than Trump. See also, “People are tired of Washington infighting.”
8. A candidate makes a particularly craven ploy for the voters of Cory Booker or Julian Castro.
9. A candidate insincerely compliments Andrew Yang, or expresses sadness that he is not on stage.
10. A candidate mentions a quaint Iowa town he or she recently visited. Double if they mention the name of the ordinary Iowan with whom they connected.
11. Anyone mentions corn or farms or tells a hokey would-be humanizing story about his/her Midwestern or Middle American background. Double if Klobuchar mentions her grandfather the miner from Ely.
12. Biden loses his train of thought.
13. Tom Steyer says he was for something before the other candidates. Penalty shot if he’s in that plaid tie.
14. A cable commentator uses the word “fireworks” or offers a forced boxing metaphor
15. A cable commentator pronounces Klobuchar the big winner.

Featured via: Rollingstone