Pius Princewill
Don’t call or text
Any contact with your ex reinforces and strengthens your attachment, and impedes your recovery, according to Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, dating coach, founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching, author of Exaholics and host of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. “An important step in healing is to remove your ex from your physical and digital world,” she says. Aim to go at least 30 days without contacting your ex if you want to start getting over a breakup. Thirty days will become 40, then 50…and by then, chances are you’ll be feeling much better and have some additional clarity.
Don’t seek revenge
It’s natural to feel the desire to lash out at your ex, directly or indirectly, explains, Ili Rivera Walter, PhD, LMFT, and professor of marriage and family therapy, but it’s not smart to actually do so. “When those feelings arise, take a deep breath and ask your higher self: 1) Is it worth sitting in the negative energy of revenge? 2) Is revenge consistent with who you want to be? 3) How will this serve me, now, or in the future?” she says. “Revenge is a two-edged sword that can leave feelings of shame and remorse.”
Don’t date (or marry!) the next person you meet
With revenge still on the mind, and in the heart, it’s very easy to want to replace the missing limb but resist, advises April Masini, a New York-based relationship and etiquette expert. “After a painful breakup, being single for a while is the best way to ensure that your next relationship is not impulsive, haphazard, and doomed for a repeat breakup,” she says. “Take some time to process what happened and where things didn’t go as you had hoped—and what you want to do differently next time,” she says. Check out these 11 signs you can totally trust your partner.
